Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
