Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
