Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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