Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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