All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
