New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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