just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
