Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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