He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
