I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
