Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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