you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
