Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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