I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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