Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
