I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
