rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
