hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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