If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
