I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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