sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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