I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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