Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
