never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
