Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
