I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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