Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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