Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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