no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
