Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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