For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
