if i can run in heels then i can drive
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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