Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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