jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
