I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
