At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
