walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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