i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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