I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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