She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
