new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
