You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
