I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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