i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are two peas in an std pod
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The air was thick with penises
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
