I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
