Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
