Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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