fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
