I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
