he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
