Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
