hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
