Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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