yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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