you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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