Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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