I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
