This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
