Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize