You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
