nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize