just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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