Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
