hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize