I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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