I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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