it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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