i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
