I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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