If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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