Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
