i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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