You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
