And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize